That thing that you loved (before you googled it) — from the Desk of van Schneider — Edition №266

Welcome back to DESK!

I hope you had a lovely weekend. We had some lovely weather in NYC so I spent my Saturday a couple hours on The Escape Machine driving through Manhattan. You can't stop at a red light without someone talking to you, this motorcycle is quite the magnet (I'm not complaining). Sadly I got a rear flat, so that trip was ended short.

Sunday I took the car and family to Oyster Bay exploring Long Island a bit more. I always love to visit random towns around New York. No agenda, just drive and find out what's there. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's always worth it in the end.

And now, in case you missed it ↓

Lets get into this weeks' essay ↓

That thing that you loved (before you googled it)

There's something special, even sacred and pure about experiencing something for the first time, all by yourself. I'm sure you know what I mean. It could be a book, a computer game or even just a new restaurant in your city.

In these first moments it's just you and the thing itself. No outside voice telling you what to think or how to feel.

That first reaction is beautiful because it is the only honest one you'll ever have.

Then comes the fatal mistake. You pull out your phone and start reading what everyone else thinks. Maybe you're seeking human connection, which is perfectly reasonable. Or just a quick validation on your own feelings. Perhaps a deeper understanding or context for the thing. But what you find instead is the slow death of your own authentic experience — you just don't know it yet.

In the beginning it all seems so wonderful. You're excited because you finally found your circle. You joined a community of likeminded people who seem to be interested in the same thing as you. But then you start scrolling. The critics, the forums, the endless feeds of opinions dissecting the very thing you just fell in love with. Suddenly that wonderful feeling you had starts to fade. You're not so sure about it anymore.

Let me give you an example: You just watched this movie you totally loved. In particular that charming but unknown actor who plays the lead role. But then you read online that most people didn't really like this actor, they found many faults, and generally his acting is found to be terrible. Damn, what should I think now? Do I still love the movie? Or do I back and reassess? At this point I'm questioning everything. And the deeper I go, the worse it gets.

I see this all the time, people discover something they love and then immediately look around to see if they're allowed to love it. As if they need permission.

The internet made this even worse. Before, you had to work hard to find people who would crush what you love. Now they're everywhere. Critics, forums, the reviews section, "true fans," random internet voices — everyone is eager to jump in with their innocent "well, actually..."

And the thing is, it doesn't even have to be harsh criticism. It can be the tiniest details. A small continuity error in a movie you enjoyed, a plot hole you didn't notice or a slightly problematic thing an actor said on television 10 years ago. You just can't unsee it and your experience of "the thing" is forever altered. The real tragedy is the permanence of this "contamination" because it's almost impossible for you to go back to how you felt in the beginning. The love is gone and it won't return.

I felt like this with many things in my life. Believe it or not, I felt like this with the design community. I loved designing but the deeper I got engaged in the design community online, the more I started disliking it. In a way, it pulled me away from my passion because I was too busy trying to fit in rather than enjoying what made me fall in love with it: Designing.

I also felt like this when I got deep into road cycling, I absolutely loved it. But I hated being around the hardcore cyclist community (even though I was one of them, in theory). I couldn't enjoy "the thing" anymore because I got too deeply involved into the communities who told me "you can't do this, you're not supposed to do that." I don't care, I just loved cycling.

You know, I'm not against criticism. Sometimes I'm that voice you need to ignore. But there's something worth protecting in that space between you and something that moves you, before the world weighs in and ruins it for you.

After all, we're social animals, desperate for connection and consensus. But sometimes the most validating act is to experience something completely on your own terms.

To say, "This matters to me, and I don't need to know why or if anyone agrees."

So next time you find something that speaks to you, maybe keep it to yourself. Or don't. But remember: the moment you start caring what others think about it, you've already lost something pure.

Yours truly,
Tobias

PS: Have a great week everyone!

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